Dreading Yom Kippur?

If this is how you feel about Yom Kippur, join the club. My guess is that most Jews today don’t look forward to the day our tradition describes as the “Holy of Holies.” Forgiveness and atonement are all very nice, of course, but we don’t feel comfortable seeking forgiveness (and often aren’t even sure what we need to apologize for) and don’t really relate to atonement, so the day is often experienced as one hard, long, hungry obligation.

 

As a cartoonist once put it, “If the day is called a Fast, why does it go by so slow?”

 

Judaism must be full of positive and meaningful experiences for it to “stick.” If a person’s Jewish experiences are too negative or boring, they are unlikely to stay connected Jewishly. This doesn’t mean that we’re all smiles 24/7, 365 days a year. Sometimes meaningful things are deeper and more serious than that. Happiness is key, but what we are really looking for is fulfillment and contentment.

 

So how do we look at Yom Kippur? Happy? Serious? Both? Neither?

 

You won’t be smiling much during the day. But you shouldn’t be frowning and complaining either. If you constantly look at your watch, grumble about how hard Judaism is, and wish you had a good excuse to break the fast early, your kids will get the message loud and clear: Judaism is a difficult and unfulfilling religion. Result? The Holiest day of the year becomes a negative educational experience.

 

The most crucial aspect of Yom Kippur for Jewish families is your attitude. Here are some ideas to think about and share. Of course fasting is hard (if you have any serious health conditions that may necessitate food, talk to your rabbi). But it is one day a year. And millions of people do it every year, so we’ll survive. Furthermore, what we receive from Yom Kippur is much greater than the food we don’t eat. During the entire year, our goal is to infuse our physical lives with meaning and spirituality. On this day, we rise above the physical and imitate angels. No food. No drink. Spouses are not intimate. No leather shoes (symbolizing the earthly). No anointing oils. As angels seem to stand upright and wear white (so to speak), so do we. A day of reflection, prayer, and learning. One day a year we disconnect from the physical, weakening its hold over us, to fully focus on spirituality. Higher levels of goodness, depth of thinking, forgiveness and clarity on life’s goals should be the result.

 

So as we approach Yom Kippur, put on a happy face. While it is not easy to skip food for 25 hours, you’ll survive. And you’ll have a chance to rise above the physical, focus on the spiritual, and enjoy the depth and beauty of an angel-like existence for a day. On this day, anyone can feel close to G-d. Quite an opportunity, when you think about it.

 

May you be sealed in the Book of Life and have a wonderful year!

Doron

 

 

ps some practical tips: Children should see parents apologizing to each other and resolving to improve. Although they don't fast, children can join in the special meal before the holiday and in the "break-fast" at the conclusion of the holiday. They can also participate in other customs of the day. All children can wear white and not wear their leather shoes (another one of the "afflictions"). Depending on their ages and maturity, children can fast for a short amount of time. They are usually fascinated by the story of the whale in the Book of Jonah, which is read on this day (best for parents and kids to read the story before to know the main outline). The shofar is also blown on Yom Kippur, and that is always a favorite. Make sure the synagogue you attend has children’s activities and services. If your shul is not child-friendly, then make it so or find a new shul. For teens as well, a good synagogue will have special age-appropriate activities available. Some teens are mature enough to want to be with the adults. Many can’t sit and pray and listen for that long, so other activities, talks and classes are very helpful. At the end of the fast, in many synagogues, congregants dance around the shul and sing happily – a wonderful end to a holy day.